Researcher Brené Brown on the need for connection.
Connection is why we’re here, she says. But in her effort to unpack connection, belonging, and love, she was faced with countless stories of disconnect, lack of belonging and heartbreak. Rooted in all of this, she discovered, was a profound sense of shame. Shame, she suggests, is the fear of being seen as not good enough.
Jokingly, she touches on the ways in which shame penetrates all aspects of the self. Imposter syndrome, felt by many academics, is one aspect of shame, and it fuels the feeling of not being “good enough” in the professional landscape as profoundly as shame destroys our romantic relationships.
Thus, she argues, connection is predicated on vulnerability. Those who experience connection, who feel a strong sense of love and belonging (in personal, social, or professional circles) do so because they feel they are worthy of it. There is no question of their worth – they simply know it to be true. The extension of this, then, is that in their knowing their worth, they are willing to make themselves vulnerable. They have the courage to be imperfect, to make themselves known with their whole heart.
TRUTH
I have suffered, my entire life, from incredibly low self esteem which has woven its pernicious tendrils into every aspect of my life. From my academic and career paths, to my friendships, to my romantic relationships, I’ve long had trouble perceiving myself as worthy. I haven’t yet figured out where this stems from (though I have a couple of theories), but, as I head in the direction of 40, it’s probably time to figure that out.
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